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Home Lifestyle Entertainment 100 Best John Mulaney Quotes To Inspire You

100 Best John Mulaney Quotes To Inspire You

John Mulaney has become a household name since his role as Nick Miller on Saturday Night Live. He also hosts the podcast The Sack Lunch Bunch. What does he really think about life?

John Mulaney was born in New York City in 1977. His father worked at NBC News and his mother was a housewife. He attended Stuyvesant High School in Manhattan. After graduating from college, he moved to Los Angeles where he began performing standup comedy. In 2002, he joined SNL.

Mulaney says that he wants to be remembered as someone who makes people laugh. He believes that humor is universal and that everyone should try to make people laugh.

Best John Mulaney Quotes

1. “I’m not going to lie: I like being rich. It’s nice to have money. If you don’t have any money, it can be hard to get laid. But if you do have some money, then it’s easy to get laid. You just go out and buy yourself a new car or something.”

2. “When I first started doing stand-up, I had no idea what I was doing. I would just talk about whatever came into my head. I didn’t know how to write jokes. So when I got hired for SNL, they gave me an outline of what I needed to say. They told me to come up with three things that I thought were funny. And I did. That’s all I knew how to do.”

3. “You can tell people are uncomfortable around you because their eyes keep moving away from yours.”

4. “I‘ve never been able to understand why people want to be famous. Why do you need to be famous? Why do you need to have your picture taken by paparazzi? What are you trying to prove?”

5. “I”m not sure why we’re so obsessed with success. We’re always talking about getting ahead. We’re constantly striving for more. We’re never satisfied. There’s always this constant pressure to be better than everybody else. It’s exhausting.”

6. “I‟m not afraid of death. I mean, I’m scared of dying. I’m not scared of death. Death is nothing. It’s like taking a shower. You take a shower every day. When you die, you’ll be dead. It doesn’t matter.”

7. “If I could give advice to anyone, it would be to stop worrying so much. Life is short. Just enjoy it. Don’t worry too much.”

8. “The only thing I ever wanted to be was a comedian. I never cared about anything else. I never wanted to be a doctor. I never wanted to own a business. I never wanted to do anything but be a comedian.”

9. “My parents were very supportive of me. My dad was a lawyer and my mom was a teacher. They both loved me. They made sure I went to school and everything. They tried to help me find a career path. But I didn’t care what I did. I just wanted to be a comedian.“

10. “I’m not sure why we put ourselves through all these hardships. I guess we feel like we deserve them. Like we have to earn our happiness. But I think we’re just lucky to be alive.”

11. “I used to work at the Gap. I’d walk around all day and watch people shop. I realized that most people aren’t really happy. They spend all their time thinking about themselves. They’re always worried about making mistakes. They’re always looking over their shoulders. They’re always waiting for somebody to judge them. I decided that if I wasn’t going to change the world, then I might as well make myself laugh.”

12. “I’ve never been in love. Not even once. I think that’s pretty sad. I wish I could fall in love and experience those feelings.”

13. “I think there are two kinds of people: Those who follow rules and those who break rules. The ones who follow rules are usually boring. They’re the kind of people who wear ties to work. They’re like robots. They don’t think for themselves. They just go along with whatever everyone else says. They’re sheep.”

14. “I’m not sure what I want to be when I grow up. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I just know that I want to be a comedian. If that happens, then great. If not, then I’ll try something else.”

15. “There are three things that scare me: clowns, spiders, and heights.”

John Mulaney Quotes on Luck and Hard Work

16. “You can either choose to believe that you create your reality or you can decide to live in someone else’s dream.”

17. “When I look back at my life, I realize how many opportunities I missed because I was too busy being scared.”

18. “I‘ve learned that life isn’t fair. No one gets out of here alive. So you might as well have fun while you’re here.”

19. “It’s hard to get motivated sometimes. And it takes a lot of effort to stay focused.”

20. “We are all born alone, but we must die alone.”

21. “I”m not sure if I’m an optimist or a pessimist. I’d probably say I’m more of an optimist than a pessimist.”

22. “I don’t think there’s any such thing as luck. You can’t control luck. It’s like trying to control gravity.”

23. “I‟m not sure if I will ever be successful. I just hope I am able to keep doing this until I’m dead.”

24. “If you’re not having fun, you’re doing it wrong.”

25. “Sometimes I worry that I’m just repeating myself. That maybe I should stop talking so much.”

26. “The only way to avoid criticism is to criticize yourself.”

27. “If you don’t take chances, you’ll end up where everybody else ends up – behind a desk.”

28. “I’m not afraid of death. I just hate missing out on anything good.”

29. “I don’t know what I want to be, but I know what I don’t want to be. I don’t want to wake up some morning and find out that I died before I woke up.”

30. “I don’t care how old you are. There’s no excuse for not knowing how to use a computer.”

John Mulaney Quotes To Be Happy

31. “I’m not sure why I’m still single. Maybe I need to meet someone who doesn’t mind that I’m a little bit weird.”

32. “I don’t think anyone has ever said ‘thank you’ to me. I feel like they should.”

33. “I’m not very good at taking compliments. I mean, I appreciate it, but I tend to forget it right away.”

34. “I’m not really into sports. I’d rather watch TV.”

35. “I don’t understand why people put their hands over their mouths when they laugh. Why would you cover your mouth? What’s wrong with laughing?”

36. “I don’t have a plan B. I’ve always had a plan A. I’ve never been without a plan.”

37. “I love to write jokes. But I also love to read them. Because writing them helps me learn about myself better than reading them does.”

38. “I don’t remember meeting anyone famous. I guess I met some people from the news, but I don’t think I actually talked to them.”

39. “I’m not even sure what I want to do after college. I just know that whatever I do, I won’t be happy unless I’m making other people laugh.”

40. “I don’t really know what makes me tick. I just know that it ticks.”

41. “I’m not going to pretend I’m a great person. I’m not. But I try to be a good person.”

42. “I don’t like to talk about my family. I don’t like to talk to strangers either.”

43. “I’m not exactly sure what I’m looking for in a woman. I just know that I’m not looking for anything.”

44. “I don’t believe in God. I just believe in science.”

45. “I don’t want to live forever. I just want to live long enough to make everyone else miserable.”

John Mulaney Funny Quotes

46. “You’re not supposed to look back and see all the mistakes you made along the way. You’re supposed to look forward and see all the things you did right.”

47. “I don’t get nervous anymore. I used to get nervous all the time. Now I just get bored.”

48. “When I was younger, I thought being funny was easy. It turns out it wasn’t. It took me years to figure that out.”

49. “I can’t tell if I’m more scared of dying or of living.”

50. “I don’t own any fancy clothes. I just wear jeans and a T-shirt.”

51. “I don’t try to be funny. I just am funny.”

52. “I don’t worry about the future. I just enjoy the present.”

53. “I don’t drink coffee because I don’t like caffeine. I drink it because I like the taste.”

54. “I don’t drive fast cars. I just drive them slowly.”

55. “I don’t take vacations. I work on vacation.”

56. “I don’t eat meat. I just eat burgers.”

57. “I don’t go to church. I go to brunch.”

58. “I don’t listen to music. I listen to podcasts.”

59. “I don’t watch movies. I watch television.”

60. “I don’t play video games. I play board games.”

John Mulaney Quotes on Comedy and Humor

61. “If I could give advice to young comedians, I’d say: Don’t be afraid to fail. And when you do fail, keep trying until you succeed.”

62. “The best thing to happen to comedy is YouTube. The worst thing to happen to comedy was Twitter.”

63. “Comedy isn’t an art form. It’s a craft. It’s something you practice every day.”

64. “It takes a lot of courage to stand up in front of people and say ‘This is who I am.’ That’s where comedy comes from. It’s saying, ‘Here I am.'”

65. “If you’re going to be a comedian, you should prepare yourself to be laughed at. If you’re not prepared to be laughed at, then you shouldn’t be doing this.”

66. “My favorite joke is the one that never fails. And that’s the punchline.”

67. “One of the most important things you need as a comic is confidence. When you have confidence, everything falls into place.”

68. “I think there are two kinds of comics: those who are born with talent and those who are born without it.”

69. “Comedians are always thinking about how they’ll die. They’re constantly preparing themselves for death.”

70. “I’ve been lucky. I’ve had a lot of success. I’ve had some bad luck too. But I’ve learned that you can’t control your life. You can only control your reaction to it.”

71. “I don’t write jokes. I write stories.”

72. “I’m not really interested in making money. I’m interested in making other people laugh.”

73. “I don’t care if my jokes aren’t good. I just want to make people laugh.”

74. “I don’t know what kind of career I would have chosen. I just chose the one that came first.”

75. “There’s no such thing as a perfect joke. There’s only a perfect audience.”

John Mulaney Quotes on Wisdom and Everyday Life

76. “You can’t live in fear of failure. Failure is inevitable. So why waste your energy worrying about it?”

77. “Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not smart enough to do anything. No matter how stupid you feel, you’re smarter than you think.”

78. “When you get older, you realize that nothing lasts forever. Nothing ever stays the same.”

79. “Everything changes. Everything dies. We all end up alone. But we’re still here.”

80. “We’re all just walking around looking for our purpose. Some of us find it. Others don’t.”

81. “People treat you differently depending on whether you’re famous or not. People will either love you or hate you.”

82. “No one wants to be alone. Everyone wants someone to share their life with.”

83. “Sometimes the hardest part of being happy is knowing that you’re happy.”

84. “Everyone has a story. Everyone has a reason for living.”

85. “I believe that everyone deserves happiness. I also believe that everyone deserves to be unhappy sometimes.”

86. “Life is short. Make the most out of it.”

87. “Be nice to people because they may become your fan base.”

88. “I like to look at myself as a work in progress. I’m always trying to improve.”

89. “I try to be optimistic. I try to see the glass half full. I try to enjoy the little things in life. I try to appreciate the simple pleasures in life.”

90. “The best advice I was given when I started performing was to go onstage and be funny. Don’t worry about the rest.”

91. “I’m very grateful to be alive. I’m very thankful that I’m able to walk around every day and experience new things.”

92. “I’ve lived a pretty charmed life so far. I’ve got great friends. I’ve got a beautiful family. And I’ve made a bunch of money. All that stuff makes me happy.”

93. “If you’re going through hell, keep going. If you’re going through heaven, keep on going. It helps.”

94. “I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I’m not.”

95. “I’ve never met anybody who said he didn’t want to be rich. The truth is, nobody does.”

96. “It’s hard to explain to people that comedy is a business. They don’t understand that there are people who are willing to pay to hear you talk.”

97. “I try to stay positive. Even though I’m broke, I’m still doing okay.”

98. “I’m an optimist. I believe in miracles. I believe in magic. I believe in unicorns. I believe in fairies.”

99. “I’m lucky to be surrounded by good people. I’m fortunate to have a loving wife and a wonderful daughter. That keeps me grounded.”

100. “I’ll never forget my first time on stage. I felt like I had been born again.”

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