“I can’t believe I let him in again. He’s abusive, and he doesn’t even love me.”
We all know that it’s not always easy to let go of someone you love. It’s a difficult and painful process that often takes years or even decades for people to finally come to terms with.
However, many signs show when it is time to move on. Some of the major indicators may include having an abusive partner or wanting to meet new people. The latter may arise when a romantic relationship is not working out anymore.
Letting go of someone allows for personal growth and self-care after a difficult time in your life. It also sets the stage for meeting new people who bring happiness, love, and support into your life.
Read on to find out more.
Signs that tell you it’s time to move on
There are many signs in a relationship that show when it’s time to let go of a loved one. Some examples include:
- Being unable to meet their basic needs
- Emotional disconnection
- No longer sharing the same values and beliefs, or
- Simply having different lifestyles
When one or more of these signs are present in your relationship, it may be time to move on.
In addition, if your partner’s abusive, then it may be time for you to move on from them without looking back. This abuse could be physical, emotional, or psychological.
Sometimes you’ll try to convince yourself that things can change and your loved one will become who you want them to be.
However, a quick reality check will prove that this is usually not the case. Especially not when you’ve already given your all but never received anything back in return.
How you can let go of a loved one
It can be quite difficult to let go of someone. It even gets much harder if they’ve said or done things that make it seem like there’s still hope for your relationship.
And while this may sound counter-intuitive or even impossible at first, it becomes easier as time goes on.
I understand what a big step this is in your life – so here are some tips to help guide you through releasing someone from your heart.
a. Remember why you wanted to let go in the first place
Write down what made them an unhealthy part of your life. Afterward, compare that list with your current behavior towards this person or relationship.
If one of the reasons was because they didn’t meet any of your needs – are you continuing to give them chances even though nothing has changed?
Or perhaps there were problems with emotional disconnection or infidelity. In that case, do these issues still exist in your relationship now?
b. Decide if the relationship is worth the effort
If you find that most of the reasons for letting go are still present, it’s probably best to move on.
However, if your loved one has made changes or there don’t seem to be any fundamental problems with the relationship anymore, then it might be worth giving things another try.
After all, some people take time before they’re ready to let go completely. It’s only when they do that they truly heal from past wounds.
c. Learn the art of forgiveness
If you decide to let go of this person, forgiveness will be a necessary step for your healing.
Forgiveness isn’t just about letting someone off the hook – especially if they continue hurting others or themselves.
Rather, forgiveness is a form of self-care. It’s designed to help us heal and restore our peace into place. It also prevents us from feeling bitter towards them and ensures we feel more at ease with ourselves as we move forward in life.
d. Spend your free time constructively
When you’re learning how to let go of a loved one, the last thing you want is to feel even more stressed out.
So when you have free time, do something constructive. That’s better than thinking about this person or spending your energy on trying to win them back.
Examples of things you could do include:
- Meet up with friends and family members
- Take up painting classes (if you’re up for it)
- Read for pleasure
e. Cut off your contact with the person
If you’re struggling to let go of a loved one, it might help to cut off all contact. Doing this allows you the time and space that’s needed for your emotional healing process.
In the case they’ve been in any way abusive towards you, continue staying away from them as much as possible.
This way you won’t feel tempted to fall back into the same patterns again.
In turn, it will help them realize how much of an impact their actions had on your life. It may even make them feel ashamed for what they put you through.
f. Try spending more time on hobbies
Yes! More so when they (your hobbies) don’t seem interesting anymore.
While spending time with this person did bring joy into your life at one point, now is a better time than ever for you to get back in touch with yourself again.
After all, all this can be much harder when there isn’t anything left worth fighting for after your relationship falls apart.
This will allow you more room in your heart and mind. In the end, when something or someone new comes along, you’ll feel inspired once again.
g. Stay away from social media or watching television
As you continue along with this process, remember to take care of yourself.
In other words, try not to spend hours each day on social media or watching television as an escape from your feelings.
Instead, make sure that there’s still time in the week for meaningful relationships with friends and family members.
This will ensure that this person has less control over how you feel going forward after a breakup. In the long run, doing so also makes it easier for you to stay connected within your community.
h. Accept that you are not responsible for your partner’s actions
If there is something wrong with your relationship because of what your partner did to hurt you, only they can fix these issues. Though, many a time, it might take a lot of time and effort on their part.
You must understand that you don’t have control over any other person except yourself.
You must not beat yourself down over the weaknesses of your partner. If you’ve tried helping them before and failed, then rest and hope they’ll figure it out themselves.
i. Seek support from trusted friends and family
If you are struggling to move on, spending time with friends and family members can be helpful. You must help them understand how it feels like for you in the aftermath of a breakup.
Sharing your feelings will let them offer their support while keeping your situation private.
However, make sure not to wind up talking too much about yourself. Sometimes people may get tired of listening to others’ relationship woes.
Important: It might help if there is someone who understands why this person had an impact on your life. This can help with moving forward and finding closure after breakups.
j. Practice caution when going for rebounds
After a breakup, it’s easy to lose yourself in someone new.
However, this can lead you to feel even more confused about your next steps.
It might even make you lose interest in moving on with your life. So try not to act too impulsively when going for rebounds after a breakup. Instead, give yourself time before jumping into anything serious again.
k. Seek professional counseling
If you feel like your life is becoming unmanageable, try seeking professional help.
Talking to a counselor can also prove helpful if other issues stem from the breakup besides grief. For example, addiction or self-harming behaviors may set in as well after a relationship ends.
A trained therapist will make sure these feelings don’t affect your daily activities. They’ll give you advice on how best to handle new situations until you heal completely after breakups.
l. Meet new people
If you feel like you’ll never get into another romantic relationship, then think again.
You haven’t met everyone in the world yet to make such an assumption.
So, don’t sit around feeling sorry about yourself. Instead, try meeting new people through different social occasions or dating apps.
You never know what awaits you on the other side of the tracks.
The benefits of letting go in relationships
Some of the benefits of letting go of a toxic or failed relationship include:
- You’re able to live your life without the burden of someone else’s emotions weighing you down
- Your negative feelings toward that person no longer control how you feel about yourself or your actions
- By letting go, you free up time for new relationships and experiences
- You’re able to be more creative and productive with your time because you have fewer negative distractions
- It can also help improve mental health if the relationship was emotionally draining for reasons such as abuse, infidelity, or addiction
Letting go of a loved one can be quite a difficult task. More so, when you’ve been with someone for a long time or there are children involved.
However, the benefits of letting go far outweigh staying in an unhealthy relationship that’s no longer working.
If possible, spend some time apart at first to get a better idea of whether you’re ready to let go or not. If there’s nothing to go back to, move on and start creating the life that you want for yourself.
It may take you months or even years, but it’ll eventually happen.
Also, watch out for any of the signs above to avoid getting any emotional shock in the future.