Whether your husband appears to despise you or you have poor self-esteem, these sentiments may be overpowering in a marriage. Perhaps you are the one who feels hatred towards your partner, and he’s just reciprocating it back. If there’s ever an instance you feel like your spouse hates you, it might be either of two things: You work through it, or you walk away.
However, before taking any action, it’s essential to know if your husband hates you or just seems indifferent. You may be overreacting to a particular incident. Indifference in couples is not something rare; couples experience this more often than what’s considered healthy.
My husband would come home from work a few years back and go straight to his man cave. We didn’t have any kids back then, and I was used to doing things together in the home. But all of a sudden, we weren’t even having dinner together. At first, I attributed it to burnout from working all day, but he grew colder and colder.
You always feel like you’re walking on eggshells around him. You find yourself wondering if your marriage can go back to the way it was when you first met.
To help you, here are some red flags to determine if he really hates you or just isn’t that affectionate. After all, he may just be going through something else that makes him withdraw or belittle you. In this post, we look at reasons why your husband may have grown to hate you.
Please be aware; this post does not advocate for couples therapy or relationship counseling in general. We are simply saying couples therapists exist because when couples start hating each other, it’s usually worthwhile checking out what caused the behavior change.
Why Husbands Hate Their Wives
Several things that can lead to resentment by your partner can stem from all types of different situations. But the top possible reason a husband may hate his wife include:
- You don’t look like you used to.
- There’s a lack of physical intimacy.
- Your husband feels like you don’t appreciate him as much as he deserves
- Fights and arguments over trivial things that couples shouldn’t concern themselves with, such as the couple’s housework or activities.
- You’ve started to neglect yourself in some way.
- Nagging and criticism: you act more like his mom than his wife.
- Your attention has shifted to the kids.
However, sometimes the issue lies with your husband. He might be displaying toxic behavior due to an underlying problem such as unaddressed mental health, financial setbacks. When some men feel like they lose their sense of value, it might make them feel unworthy of their family, leading to the feeling that they aren’t good enough for you.
How To Tell If Your Husband Hates You
He Fights All the Time
You sense a communication breakdown since you’re not chatting as much as you used to. Whenever you do, you don’t have an effective conversation, and instead, you fight all the time. He may be blaming you for everything.
Even if you attempt to communicate calmly and cooperatively, he becomes dismissive and argumentative.
He’s Unresponsive to Your Needs
When you ask your spouse for assistance, he disregards or refuses it – even if he knows this makes you angry and disappointed. Worse yet, he dismisses your neediness in a critical tone because he thinks that his happiness is more important than yours.
If you compel him to arrange a time for you two to talk, he will oppose claiming he is being cowed or forced to give up a portion of his valuable spare time. You can’t seem to get him to spend time with you doing the things you used to do together.
He Doesn’t Show Affection
When couples get married, you spend every waking moment together. It’s a flurry of hormones, and you just can’t keep your hands off each other. Texting and calling at all hours is the norm because you can’t get enough of your husband.
If your attempts to hug, kiss, and cuddle are always met by resistance, something might be simmering underneath the surface. Happily married couples often engage in acts that show affection. They range from simple things like holding hands to kissing in public.
He is Physically Violent or Emotionally Abusive
He might be displaying symptoms of rage and contempt towards you. This may manifest as physical, verbal, or emotional aggression towards you. Such conduct in a marriage is harmful, and it might indicate that your spouse has issues with you and is unhappy being around you.
If your husband is abusing you, you should get help. It would be best if you protect yourself and your children. If you are afraid, you should contact 911 or a domestic abuse hotline for guidance.
It is common for couples to disagree or argue, and couples need to talk out their marital problems. If your spouse does not listen to you and resolve the issue, he may not be interested in having a relationship with you anymore.
He Doesn’t Respect You
In a marriage, mutual respect is as important as love and trust. If your husband doesn’t appear to care about you, is too disrespectful to you, or criticizes you in front of others, your marriage may be in jeopardy. Without respect, pretty much everything else crumbles.
He Gives Up On Intimacy
He didn’t even notice the last time you tried to surprise him with sexy lingerie. And when he discovers you in bed, he has no desire to cuddle with you. You can’t understand why he has no interest in sex.
Sex is important because it breeds intimacy in marriage. Release of the feel-good hormone oxytocin during orgasms acts as bonding glue. In a monogamous relationship, sex enhances your commitment and emotional bond with your significant other. Couples who express love via sex are more likely to stay together. As a result, sex is linked to a reduced divorce rate.
Couples don’t always have time for sex as they once did when they first met – and this is normal. But when it draws into a state of nonexistence, it’s often difficult for a couple to connect. He withdraws from physical intimacy.
When the subject of physical intimacy comes up, he might complain that he’s too tired or there’s something wrong with his body – always making excuses for why he won’t have sex.
He Takes You For Granted
He believes that no matter what he does, no matter how poorly he treats you, you’ll be there, and this frustrates him to no end. He appears to despise the fact that you adore him. You’re at a loss for what to do, but your aisle vows always persuade you to change your mind. After all, isn’t it true that a bit of love can make everything better? This is so untrue for your marriage.
He is Suddenly Cold And Distant
Your husband wants nothing to do with you anymore. He has finally stopped being affectionate and doesn’t seem interested in anything that may bring joy to your heart or bring a smile to your face. In the past, he was quick with a kiss on the forehead, a kind remark, or even an impromptu date. But recently, he acts like you don’t exist.
You just can’t seem to get through to him, no matter what you try. There was a time when your husband couldn’t keep himself from telling (and showing) you how much he loves you. But now, more likely than not, he can’t seem to recall the word love at all.
He is Verbally Cruel
Sometimes he uses offensive language and latches onto every mistake you make as a reason for why his feelings have changed. He often makes yelling accusations at every turn, telling you that you aren’t good enough to be loved. And the other day, he used a demeaning slur.
Verbal abuse is a major red flag in a failing marriage and should never be tolerated. It will progress in severity in the long term. However, before you take any drastic measures, couples therapy may help determine any underlying issues to solve the problem. So if it is happening in your marriage, your husband may hold quite a bit of resentment towards you.
He is Cheating
This is an ominous telltale sign that your husband no longer loves you and is most likely trying to get out of the marriage. Infidelity doesn’t usually happen in an instant, but it is something that gradually happens over time.
Many couples try to save their marriage after one partner sleeps with someone else; however, the wounds may be too much for the other partner to heal, and trust is too difficult to rebuild. This can end up ruining your relationship forever. It is often compared to breaking a mirror and gluing it together. You can still see your reflection, but the cracks will never fade.
He is Adamant About Seeking Help
Why should he tell you how he feels about you to someone who may condemn him for every perceived failure as a husband? He seems to think the therapist will support you and only help you assess your part in the issues.
In most couples therapy sessions, couples must commit to at least eight sessions. This means that you have to sacrifice time to attend them. But he always claims to be busy or held up at work. The fact is that Your husband will not fool the therapist; one can easily detect his façade. This may be the main reason why your husband avoids therapy or counseling. Or he might be considering a divorce.
He Doesn’t Spend Time With You
Your husband is never around when you are home. He either goes out with friends, works late, or spends time at the gym. And when you’re both home at the same time, he’d rather be scrolling on Facebook Messenger and Instagram.
He will come up with ridiculous reasons why he cannot stay indoors with you or attend an event together. The fact of the matter is that he is avoiding being in your company because he no longer loves you.
He Forgets Important Dates
Your spouse was someone who always remembered significant occasions and went out of his way to spoil you, but things have changed. You can tell if he still loves you by whether or not he remembers these dates.
It’s pretty OK to overlook birthdays and anniversaries from time to time, but forgetting them all is unusual (especially in a marriage). If this is happening, it might indicate that your husband doesn’t care about you anymore.
He’s Always On His Phone
If your husband is a serial texter and constantly glued to his phone, it is probably because he has been chatting up someone new online. Spending all that time on social media indicates that he is no longer interested in a personal connection with you.
Suddenly, your husband loves his phone and cannot do without it – chat rooms and virtual friends are more exciting and deserving of his time. Communication is critical in a marriage, and when there is a breakdown, it’s never a good sign.
What To Do if Your Husband Hates You
You’re at the end of the marriage. A long road of fighting and arguments and pointless emotional abuse has left you battered. Plus, you’re sure your husband hates you. Is it time to walk away? Or are there any interventions that can help you get out of this rut?
First of all, if your spouse is saying “I hate you,” it means there are more significant issues in the marriage. You have to be willing to work past these issues to get back on track. This might take couples counseling or see an expert couples therapist who can help couples through difficult times.
However, if the marriage has gotten to the point of no resolve, then divorce is imminent. Sometimes, we cannot save a marriage no matter how hard we try. If you pay attention, you can determine whether your union is worth saving – especially if he no longer puts any effort into the marriage.
The Bottom Line
No matter how you spin it, if your husband shows or says that he hates you, there are more significant issues in the marriage. Don’t be quick to rush to a divorce attorney. Couples therapy can help couples get through difficult times while learning to love each other again.
All it takes is a dedication to make it work, planning, open communication, and couples counseling.